Back on the blog after a few months of figuring things out. It’s funny because I feel like I do this every year during the winter months. I then feel like I’m neglecting the site and manage to scrap something together that isn’t great quality. In an attempt to break that cycle, I’m back but hopefully in a more thoughtful manner.
So a little update: I’m in my second semester of school at the University of Utah. Covid has definitely twisted the college experience and while it was fun, I decided to take a step back for a couple reasons, and enroll in only one class. (essentially taking a gap semester) I don’t ever feel the need to justify myself or my choices to others but I’ll do that for you guys because I honestly haven’t been in touch with a lot of people lately and think it’s important to talk about. So yes, the first semester was great in a lot of ways. I finally let go of the stress and anxiety I had been carrying for so long and for once, didn’t worry about getting perfect sleep, looking a certain way, or how others perceived me. I felt independent and made a lot of new choices that I hadn’t had to make before. It was really hard to meet a lot of new people and I did get pretty homesick during the first month. But all things considered, it was a pretty good first semester.
Once I came back to Ohio I had a bit of a reality check. I wasn’t in the physical shape I had always been in and felt as if I had just wasted so much time doing things that weren’t bringing me closer to accomplishing goals or becoming the person I wanted to be. The first one might not seem super important given everyone kind of goes through changes like that when they change their lifestyle after high school. But it hit me pretty hard and has lowered my self esteem quite a bit. The second is self explanatory as I’ve always valued efficiency and want to make my time worthwhile. I’m sure a lot of people can relate to that. So a lot of the goals I made were aligned with those two main things I had struggled with. In making plans to get on a better path, it became clear that it would be more financially responsible to move out of my dorm and start working full time. This way I could save money on school while covid was still negatively impacting everything, and I could start getting some more work experience. It was a great plan but after a couple weeks it wasn’t working out the way I had imagined. A part of me has been embarrassed that I couldn’t handle the original plan. But then I have to tell myself that everything happens for a reason.
I don’t exactly have a set plan for my life right now, but since being home I’ve taken a couple steps closer to the place that I want to be. One of the biggest differences has been replacing the time I spend on my phone with something else like reading, etc. I’ve noticed how much better I feel at the end of the day when I try to stay away from social media. There’s less negative thoughts about how I look and I’m able to be more in tune with my emotions. Social media is definitely easy to get hooked on, it was created to be addictive in the first place. But just like any addiction, the best way to get rid of it is to replace it with something else. (Cigs to patches or something like that. Not encouraging it but you get the point). I’ve always wanted to spend less time on my phone and vocalize that a lot, but it hasn’t been until recently that I have actually been able to put that into action. I’ll definitely come back on here to talk about what I’ve learned after I finish my two month break from Instagram.
FOMO is real, but I want to be so invested in my own real life instead of feeling gratified from seeing photos of someone else’s.
Love you all!